Change

The desire to be alone at times in order to understand oneself does not necessarily mean that one is shutting oneself off from others. Sometimes, it is simply because one does not want others to be affected by their own depression, or because they need time to understand a certain aspect of their personality. Moving away from others is done for both our and their sake.

Unfortunately, not many people would understand this, and some may even view it as pompousness, leading to negative comments and hate. Although we are not responsible for what others think of us, it can still be painful to hear the negative words and stories that people use to bring others down.

Life is like this. No matter how you struggle to move forward, there will always be people who would prove you otherwise. It doesn’t only happen in schools or in work, but it happens in almost every conceivable place and time. As critics, these people would wait for you to do something wrong or say something stupid – which is their window of opportunity to stealthily strike your back. 

The saddest thing in all these is that it is difficult to live and always act in a guarded stance, because the more we try to guard ourselves from doing or saying something wrong, the more we are prone to committing mistakes. And why? Because we are faking it and we are too conscious of all our actions.

So how do we deal with this scenario?

1. Be natural – avoid planning too much. Just be spontaneous and do things according to how you usually act. Express your thoughts and stop overthinking of simple matters. The good thing about being spontaneous is that it is genuine and natural. Avoid using spiels or memorized statements because these things sound scripted. In other words, do and say what you feel like doing or saying. 

2. Talk to them – sometimes it’s also just a misunderstanding between you and them. They hate you because they don’t understand you. The only way to remove that ignorance is to have an open communication with people. Although sometimes, it’s not the ignorance that makes them hate you…. You are responsible with what you say or do but you are never responsible for what they think you are saying or doing… or worst case scenario, they are the type of people who simply love hating and pulling people down (schadenfreude).

3. Ignore – being apathetic is not that totally bad. When I say ignore, I am not saying that you have to shrug off the pain nor am I saying that you have to fight fire with fire. Ignoring means not caring with whatever lies being thrown at you. (because deep down you know the truth in as much as you know who you are). Sometimes silence also works (though it will take a looooonnggg time to prove your point). I know how it feels, it’s like when you have said everything that you want to say and did everything you can just for them to understand your point but in the end they still don’t (and they continue hating you), then it’s no longer your problem. 

You did what you have to do and you even went an extra mile to understand them. I repeat: it’s not your fault if their understanding falls short. We are not responsible for people’s ignorance. The best way to deal with this is to ignore them because you also need to think of your welfare as an individual. This is not selfishness, this is self-preservation.

4. Never Sacrifice your beliefs – One common mistake that we do is we pretend that we like people’s company just for them to not say anything bad about us. We befriend haters because we don’t want their wrath to befall on us. But take note, we must never ever do this. If you want to be alone, then be alone. Do not make friends for the wrong reasons because friendship based on lies and pretensions isn’t friendship in the first place. If they are your friends, they will stick with you no matter what your personality is. Do not sacrifice your beliefs in exchange of phony companionship. :)

5. Insecurities – people do these things to you because they are insecure of your abilities. It’s not your fault that you have a wide vocabulary. It’s also not your fault that you are smarter than them. Would you pretend to look and sound stupid just to make them stop? Of course not. These people will never ever stop. If you try to cower down, the more they will attack you. If you show them you’re smart, they will say mean things about you. If you humble down and do something wrong, they will still say something bad about you. So my point here is that, do not change for their sake. Let them deal with their insecurities because in the first place, it is THEIR insecurity not yours. :)

6. Silence. Silence doesn’t mean you accept what they are saying because with silence comes the attempt to do the right thing as well. No matter what they say or do to you, just do the right thing. It takes a lot of courage and patience to do this – but remember, a person who fights with monsters become the monster themselves that they so willingly hate. To put simply, do the right thing, even in the face of criticism, and avoid becoming a monster yourself by fighting fire with fire.

7. Trust your friends. – I think this is the most important thing of all. Your friends might not be talking but they believe in you and they don’t give a single fudge in whatever stories or things your haters say about you.

Perhaps I am talking here based on experience, or maybe I am not…. But think about it. In the end, it is not the noise of the people surrounding you that matters, but what’s important is that in the silence of your friends, they still BELIEVE in you.