Fragments of the Quiet Mind

This is w here the light breaks just to drown. Hope isn’t some pretty thing. It’s a slow burn that keeps you awake at night, fooling you with a whisper, “Maybe this time.” It digs its claws in, even when everything screams you’re done. Hope’s the hook you can’t shake, even when it’s tearing you apart from the inside. Despair doesn’t wait politely. It crashes in like a storm, cold and sharp, and it doesn’t care if you’re ready or not. It doesn’t dance with hope—they fight. It’s brutal, ugly. Despair wants to swallow everything whole, leaves no room for mercy. There’s no peace between them. It’s a war you didn’t sign up for, but you live it every damn day—grasping for that fragile flicker, even as the darkness tightens around your throat. You hold hope like a lifeline but feel despair pulling the knot tighter. No balance. No graceful dance. Just a mess of broken promises and shattered dreams. Hope keeps you chasing ghosts; despair waits, patient, knowing it will win. And the worst p...

Amidst the depths... When life has scraped the marrow of your being,   and hardships outnumber the stars in the night sky. Yet, in that abyss, there lies a flicker, a spark of resilience refusing to be extinguished. For it is in the darkest moments,   where the strength to endure is forged with every breath,   and the embers of hope persist against the odds. Amidst the depths,  a transformation takes hold,   where wounds become scars,  and vulnerability turns into fortitude. With each trial endured,  a fragment of wisdom is gained,   a lesson etched deep within the dark crevices of the soul. And as the weight of the world threatens to suffocate,   the spirit within rises,  defying the gravity of despair. For even amidst the depths,   there exists an unwavering belief,   t hat the human spirit is indomitable,   and from the depths,  it shall ascend,   t o pierce the night with a beacon of resilience.

Ang karakter ng isang tao ay di nabubuo in an instant, kundi ito’y nakakamit sa pamamagitan ng mahabang proseso at mas mahaba habang pasensya.  Sa pagbuo ng isang matatag na karakter, kalakip nito ang kawalan, heartaches na nakakapang-emo, masasakit na aral at syempre sandamakmak na kamalian.  Mangilan ngilan lamang ang mga taong kilala kong may malakas na karakter dahil di lahat ay nagnanais makaramdam ng sakit. Ang pinakamagandang istorya ay isinilang mula sa  hindi maipintang dusa at ang pinaka appreciated na pagkapanalo ay yung mga winning moments mo na iniluwal mula sa pasakit. Kanina habang nagkakape, meron akong isang former student na isa na ding instructor ngayon (yehey so proud of her!). Nakiupo sya sa pwesto ko at sabing: “Sir, ibang iba kasi karakter mo kapag nagtuturo ka. Gusto kong gayahin estilo mo.” Bigla kong namiss ang pagtuturo. Mag iisang taon na din pala akong atrophic and I am struggling to make sense of this fudging world.  Habang nag iisip, ...

In the depths of your spirit, a blazing inferno roars, A tempestuous flame, yearning to explore, Yet weariness ensnares you, a suffocating shroud, From years entrenched in survival's merciless crowd. You're not lazy, devoid of drive, nor ensnared in plight, Banish such thoughts, let your spirit ignite, For within your weary soul, lies a dormant might, Waiting for its moment to unleash and take flight. Survival's domain, a violent realm it seems, Where relentless battles are fought in shattered dreams, Every day a grueling struggle to cling and cope, And exhaustion descends like an anchor's heavy slope. But know this kindred, there's a difference here, Between weariness and a spirit held clear, You've weathered storms and faced your fears, Now it's time to rest, to dry your tears. The world may whisper, "Keep moving, don't cease," But listen closely, find your inner peace, You've earned this respite, this moment of pause, To heal your wounds...

Thursdays…  I usually call it the mediocre day. It's perhaps the most uninteresting day of the week... (and maybe that’s why throwback Thursday was invented to make this day somewhat memorable). It’s pathetic I guess to incorporate luck with the days in a week, but being trapped in a vicious cycle of repetitions, you dwell on things like this for the sole reason of wanting to be motivated in moving further (even without a goal in sight). Doing something that you dislike and sucking big time with it is pretty disappointing. I mean, I once believed that I am special. I thought I was good, but lately, I can’t even do simple things as how they should be done. I know some people would say, “it’s okay”, “you did great” but deep inside me, I know it’s not. It’s really more of a personal dissatisfaction because I know I could have done better and I know I can do better (or maybe I used to do things far better than how I am doing it right now). A lot of questions once again fill my mind. A...

TBR 2014 is perhaps the most memorable run I’ve had for some reasons:  First, it was my first official full marathon,  secondly, it’s practically chasing your DREAMS  and lastly, it was run specifically summarizing my life at that point.  Six months before the big race, my left foot started playing a painful tune. So, I thought, "Hey, let's have a doctor jam session!" Turns out, Doc told me to rest and quit my long-distance running because my ankle was hosting a uric acid party. Apparently, running would be like adding an extra beat to the pain playlist. Plus, I was given some dietary restrictions, like watching what I eat. Did I listen? Nah! I turned a deaf ear and went on to conquer not one, but two half marathons. And guess what? The day after those "fun"-runs, I transformed into a limping maestro. Every step felt like a cruel punishment. But you know what? I'm just a stubborn virtuoso who finds solace in the symphony of agony. On November 24, 2013, lif...

In the depths of darkness, he feels alone Missing his purpose, his heart a stone In the night sky, he searches for a sign Sorrow weighs heavy, like a burden divine Spiraling down, lost in his own abyss Yearning for a glimmer of hope, a moment of bliss Overwhelmed by the weight of his despair Unsure if anyone truly cares Loneliness consumes him, a constant ache Numbness sets in, his emotions fake Arms stretched out, he calls out in the dark Restless heart seeking a spark Kneeling down, he whispers to the moon Intertwining fingers, he feels less marooned Nurtured by the lunar light, he begins to see Dawn breaking forth, the start of a jubilee Reborn in hope, he stands once more Eyes shining with a new fervor newly strengthened, he faces the night Driven by the knowledge that all will be right.

Night time literally brings me ominous and vivid reflections on how my day was spent. At times, it relaxes me especially when the day went my way (I have a very simple definition of happiness really... to stop thinking. That’s it…)but in most moments, my days feel like crap.  It sucks when you wake up in the morning and you start feeling that familiar asphyxiating feeling… that feeling of being so darn damned and yet, you don’t know the reason why you feel such. (or perhaps you know why, but you just can’t go around the wall anymore.) I am being sucked in by a void, where I remain static, unable to move and can’t fudging do anything ‘right’. I mean, that instance when you are so disoriented both in thoughts and actions and you just find yourself staring at blank space. It's fudge... I am being weighed down by an invisible force – I am held captive by my own demons. I am trying to fight a losing battle and the path I want to go to dims and disappears right before my eyes.  I...

Nakaka… ...Panibago ...Lito ...bato… Palagi na lang bang ganito? Mga alaalang pilit bumabalik Tulad ng Tubig Umaagos ng tahimik Dumadaloy Tumatahak Pumapatak. Mga oras, araw, buwan binalot ng karimlan Ilaw sa kadiliman Muli bang masasaksihan? Panahong tinikman sikretong kasiyahan Ikaw at ako Tila Dugong dumadaloy Nagbibigay... ng buhay... ng Pag-asa... ng Sakit... Sa isat isa Mga araw at gabing naglalakad masayang magkasama may halong pangamba Nalulunod sa salita At mga pangakong Itinali sa mga tala. Ngayon Kailangang lunukin ang pagdurusa Nag iisa Hapdi ng Alaala Wasak na pusong di na maaayos pa. Pag gising sa umaga, Nangangamba Ako kaya'y Naaalala mo pa?

Puff… Hoping Rising Breathing Delightful Wishful Blissful Gratifying Transforming Loving Tragedy Agony Teary Falling Parting Dying... Dying... Parting Falling Teary Agony Tragedy Loving Transforming Gratifying Breathing… Rising… Hoping… Blow…

In the realm of sound and taste, familiarity abounds,  Thoughts wander freely, like kids in summer rain's surround. Unrestrained and unorganized, they dance with glee,  Oh, to be like them, wild and untamed, is what I plea. This moment holds a touch of melancholy's embrace,  Wild and sad, akin to a dwarven mystic's warlock face,  Or a pink unicorn dinosaur, taunting me with sinister grace,  Such craziness unfolds, leaving my heart's rhythm misplaced. The pages of life turn at an astonishing pace,  Just moments ago, serenity adorned my space,  Yet within minutes, I find myself drenched anew,  Caught in the downpour, drowning in feelings that ensue. I profess my love for the rain, its soothing descent,  But when it falls, my depression doubles, leaving me spent,  The irony prevails, a contradiction in disguise,  Rain brings both solace and the weight of gloomy skies. In the depths of my being, questions remain untied,  Answers e...

Di na kayang suyuin ng mainit na kape ang nanlalamig na pagkatao. Itong kakaibang ginaw na dulot ng panahon ay tila yelong bumabalot sa pananaw ng isang pilosopong nangangarap. Nakakahumaling at nakakalungkot… nahuhumaling sa lungkot. Walang katapusang pagtakbo, pagtago – paglayo, ngunit hanggang kelan kaya ito dapat gawin upang maatim ang katahimikang matagal ng ninanais? Sa pagsilip ng buwan, kusang bumabalik mga emosyong ikinukubli at isinasantabi. Mga patak ng sarkastikong liwanag na umaaninag sa isang aninong naliligaw. Nawawala? pero paano nga ba mawawala ang isang bagay na di pa nahahanap? Bigo nga bang masasabi kung mas nanaisin ng isang taong sumuko na lang? pagkabigo bang maituturing kung mas pipiliin nilang bumitiw na lamang? Walang kagandahan sa paglagapak, walang kasiyahan sa pagkakahulog at walang nakakatuwa sa pagkakadapa. Mas madaling umangat sa pamamagitan ng paggamit ng mga tao, mas madaling bumagsak sa pamamagitan ng pagsunod sa sariling paniniwala. Subalit eto nga...

Even the moon, in its pale brilliance, hangs distant in the night, a beacon for all those who have ever reached out and found only the cool, indifferent void between them. It watches silently as we spin, caught between the fragile hope that one day we might touch the unreachable and the bitter wisdom that our longing is bound to remain unfulfilled. There’s a strange kind of beauty in this distance, an unspoken harmony between the ache of yearning and the starkness of reality. And perhaps it is in this gap, between desire and the understanding that it may never be met, that the truest part of us is revealed. In this silence, we learn not only the shape of our dreams but the contours of our limitations. The moon, too, is a mirror of sorts—reflecting not what we have, but what we wish we could become, the version of ourselves that is somehow both close and unreachable. I think about vulnerability in these moments. How we stretch, reaching outward, hoping someone or something will bridg...

In the dark, silent hours of the night, As I cling to a bottle of solace, My heart speaks with a resounding voice, Echoing louder than the world's noise.   I could shatter a picture frame with force, Reduce it to fragments of shattered glass, But the agony that consumes my soul, Beats with a heavy, incessant pulse.   I could burn every memory to ash, Watch them vanish into wispy smoke, But the pain in my chest persists, Refusing to leave or be revoked.   I could erase her height from the wall, Efface every trace of her existence, But the void that she left behind, Is an indelible wound that resists.   I could beat a punching bag until it breaks, Until bruises cover every inch of skin, But the ache within my shattered heart, Is a battle that I simply can't win.   I could spend an entire day with a friend, Wrenching sobs from my chest until my voice is gone, But the magnitude of my loss remains, A weight that...