Fragments of the Quiet Mind

  Way back in college, I found myself drawn to book sales at Centermall, that old mall in Baguio with creaky floors and stubborn echoes. I’d roam those cramped aisles searching for something steady, something that might outlast me. But grief—grief rewrites the rules. It taught me that what I thought was permanent was never really mine to hold. When loss came, it didn’t just take someone from me. It tore apart the foundations I built around them—the coffee cups we shared, the songs that used to stitch moments together, the streets that once felt like home. Everything I thought was solid softened and shifted beneath my feet. I realized memory isn’t a monument; it’s water—always flowing, impossible to grip. The silence after the calls stopped was the first crack. It wasn’t just absence; it was a rupture in my story. Grief isn’t a moment—it’s a slow dismantling of certainty. The past I trusted became a stranger, and I had to learn how to live with someone who knew me less than I thou...

  Sometimes, life feels like trying to hold water in my cupped hands, spilling faster than I can catch it. There’s a tension in that, a strange pull between release and regret. The thought that everything is fleeting—that nothing I build or love or dream of will last—sits with me often. It’s not always a heavy thought. Sometimes it’s light, almost weightless, and yet, somehow, it presses down all the same. If everything fades, does it matter? I ask myself this more than I probably should. But maybe the question is wrong, or maybe I’m just afraid of the answer. I wonder if we’ve been looking for meaning in the wrong places—in permanence, in legacies, in things that don’t move. What if it’s the movement itself that matters? On certain days, the fleeting nature of life feels like a gift. Decisions don’t carry the same gravity; I let things go more easily. I can savor a moment without needing to trap it, knowing it’s meant to be brief. And yet, there’s this undercurrent, a kind of s...

Minsan, feeling ko, ang buhay ay parang talent show na walang final performance.  Lahat tayo nag-a-audition, nagbabaka-sakaling makuha ang main role ng “being loved and understood.” Gusto natin yung spotlight moment , pero sa totoo lang, takot din tayong magkamali sa harap ng audience. Kasi paano kung imbes na palakpak, ang sumalubong sa’yo eh nakakabinging katahimikan at tunog ng mga crickets ang sasalubong pala? The desire to be seen is universal. Kahit yung kunwari chill lang sa buhay, pero deep down meron din yung  “Uy, pansinin niyo rin ako minsan” moments. The thing is, sa real life, hindi yan gaya ng selfie na may filter—effortless and mostly, perfect. Reality is raw, messy, and involves showing the parts of yourself na hindi ka sure kung Instagram-worthy. Eto ang dilemma: gusto mo ng recognition, pero takot kang ipakita yung tunay na ikaw. Kasi sa mundo ngayon, ang bilis mong ma-box in. Pag masyado kang confident, ang sasabihin ng mga tao: “Feelingero.” Pag masyado ka...

I’ve been running from something, though I’m not sure what anymore. The warmth of coffee, once a comfort, now feels distant, like everything else. Time has frozen something inside me, leaving only a hollow chase for peace that never seems to end. Maybe it’s not about winning or losing, but about letting go—surrendering to the emptiness and finding a strange peace in it. We tell ourselves that we’re supposed to rise, to fight, but at what cost? To lean on others is easier, but when you stand on their shoulders, do you even recognize the height? I almost gave in to the lies, to the quick escape, but something stopped me. What’s left when you abandon yourself for an illusion? In the quiet of now, I realize it’s the small things that matter. The overlooked moments where peace resides—not in the noise, but in the stillness. What comes next is uncertain. Joy, sorrow—both are inevitable. But maybe that’s where the freedom lies: in accepting the paradox of it all.

I sat alone on the worn couch, remote in hand, staring at the familiar opening credits of a show I once watched every week like it was a lifeline. Tonight, the laughter felt hollow, the jokes like whispers from someone else’s life. I wasn’t here to be entertained—I was here to visit an old version of myself, the one who believed this story held answers. Rewatching a show I’ve outgrown isn’t about reclaiming warmth or comfort. It’s about tracing the slow unraveling of who I used to be, like sifting through dust-covered photographs. The characters haven’t changed, but my gaze has—older, wearier, carrying the weight of roads taken and roads abandoned. Sometimes, growing up feels less like moving forward and more like leaving behind a self who was never fully ready to leave. There’s a strange grief in watching those scenes again—not for the story itself, but for the self who once saw herself reflected in it. We return not to revive but to mourn, to honor the ghost of who we were before g...

I used to believe the world had a place carved out for me—a bright, undeniable purpose, a calling whispered through the chaos. A dream job that would illuminate the darkest corridors of doubt. But the truth I found was more elusive, more quiet. There is a shame in not having a dream, not because ambition is shameful, but because the silence of absence is deafening. It’s a soft, persistent ache—a question that gnaws beneath the surface when the crowd chants “Find your passion!” as if it were a command rather than a gift. I carry this shame not as a scar, but as a shadow—one that stretches longer than the daylight. It’s the shame of drifting, of not belonging to some grand narrative of destiny. Of waking every morning to a life that feels like a rehearsal without a script. And yet, I realize: maybe this absence is not a void, but a space. A quiet room where I learn what it means to exist without ceremony. This quiet room teaches me something radical—there is dignity in the ordinary,...

Funny how life casts you in roles you never auditioned for. Me? Always the background character — the reliable extra who’s there, but never quite seen . Like a houseplant nobody remembers to water but somehow still alive. I hold the umbrella when no one wants to get wet, carry groceries nobody remembers, and pop up just in time to fix problems — then disappear faster than free food at a meeting. It’s a strange kind of existence: essential, but uncredited. Honestly, I’m beginning to think my superpower is perfecting the art of invisibility... or maybe just excellent at hiding behind the snacks. Sometimes I wonder if I’m secretly an invisible superhero. Not the cape-wearing kind — more like the person who makes sure the coffee’s brewed and the Wi-Fi doesn’t throw a tantrum. Meanwhile, the spotlight hits, and I’m already offstage, watching from the wings — probably scrolling through my phone pretending to be busy. Exhausting, really. But maybe that’s the point — being background means ...

I used to think growing up meant becoming some grand, polished version of yourself—the one your childhood self would cheer for, maybe even brag about at recess. But here I am, ordering my third cup of coffee at 9 PM, staring blankly at a screen, and wondering if I’ve just been winging adulthood all along. Growing up is realizing you’re your own unpaid intern. Turns out, the kid inside me would side-eye this version pretty hard. Not because I gave up on dreams, but because I forgot how to be recklessly hopeful. The fearless wonder? Buried under endless to-do lists and a growing collection of "shoulds" I didn’t even know I agreed to. Hope is the most expensive habit with the worst Return of Investment. But here’s the twist: maybe that side-eye is a good thing. Maybe it’s the universe’s way of reminding me that I’m still in progress. The kid’s shock is just a mirror—reflecting not failure, but the distance traveled. Sometimes the only thing growing faster than you is your coll...

I used to believe faith was a steady flame handed down—warmth that sheltered me from the cold winds of doubt. It was a map drawn by hands older than mine, with clear roads, familiar landmarks, and promises stitched into the sky. I carried it like armor and sanctuary, the kind you don’t question because it’s part of your bones. But growing up is learning to step outside that light and see the shadows it cast. The edges blur. The roads fork. The promises twist in ways you never expected. Outgrowing faith isn’t a clean break. It’s a slow peeling back, a quiet unlearning, an ache that feels like betrayal and freedom all at once. It’s realizing that what once protected you may now confine you. That your soul, hungry for something deeper, refuses to be tethered to the stories you were told. I see now that faith is less about certainty and more about courage—the courage to face the unknown without the safety net of old truths. It’s a paradox: losing belief but not losing hope. Letting go b...

I found myself on the couch again, a cup of lukewarm coffee forgotten beside me, the familiar cartoon flickering on the screen like an old friend with secrets. The colors felt sharper now, the jokes less innocent and more like whispered truths I hadn’t noticed before. Episodes I once watched for simple laughs now unravelled themselves, each character’s struggle echoing parts of my own hidden scars—fear, hope, and the quiet ache of growing up. I realized that rewatching cartoons after therapy wasn’t about nostalgia. It was about decoding the language of my past self, translating childhood magic into adult meaning. What was once just silly hijinks became mirrors reflecting wounds I was only just beginning to heal. The heroes weren’t perfect; they were flawed, trying, failing, learning—the same way I had to. There’s a strange comfort in this. Like meeting a younger version of yourself, not to rescue, but to understand why you carried certain stories so tightly. The laughter feels bitter...

I remember the night clearly—the kind where the city hums low, and every door is shut tight except mine. I was alone in the apartment, sitting on the edge of the bed, and the silence pressed in like a weight I hadn’t noticed before. I began to speak—not to anyone, but to the empty room itself. Words I’d never dared say aloud poured out, honest and unfiltered, like a confession whispered to shadows. There’s something strange about talking to empty rooms. They do not judge or interrupt; they absorb. The quiet becomes a canvas for the parts of ourselves that people seldom see—the raw, unfinished edges we hide behind smiles and scripts. In that silence, I found the courage to be more truthful than I ever was in company. Honesty is rarely a gift we give others. More often, it is a debt we repay to ourselves—spoken quietly, without expectation. These confessions don’t seek applause or agreement; they simply demand acknowledgment, a witness in the absence of another. When I spoke to that e...

I didn’t notice when loneliness stopped feeling like a stranger. It was the night I sat alone in a coffee shop at closing time, the dim hum of the espresso machine and the scrape of chairs the only company. At first, that silence felt like an empty room, cold and echoing with absence. But somewhere between the second sip and the last flicker of neon outside, something shifted. Loneliness stopped knocking. It pulled up a chair. You realize it’s not about filling the void but sitting with it—an awkward dinner guest who doesn’t talk much but teaches you to listen. We live in a world terrified of being alone, as if silence is a punishment. But solitude is not a cage; it’s a mirror, reflecting parts of yourself you never bothered to meet. In that reflection, you find a strange comfort—the steady rhythm of your own breath, the unspoken stories waiting beneath the surface. And the twist? Loneliness isn’t the enemy you thought it was. It’s the familiar face in a crowd that never quite get...

There are truths that settle within you like stones, heavy and unmoving, their presence undeniable. You can feel their weight in your chest, pressing in, yet words escape them, as if the language itself is too fragile to bear their mass. These truths are not for the tongue—they are for the body, for the silent understanding that reverberates through the core of your being. To speak them is to risk collapse, to unearth a burden that your voice cannot carry. It is why, in moments of profound realization, we find ourselves mute, lost in the space between thought and utterance, where the truth lingers, unspoken but alive. I often think of the body as a vessel of unspoken knowledge, a landscape that holds within it the imprints of all that cannot be voiced. We move through the world, unaware that each step, each gesture, is a manifestation of the truths we carry but cannot speak.  In every sigh, in every clenched fist, there are words that have no home in language, truths that live in ...

Puff… Hoping Rising Breathing Delightful Wishful Blissful Gratifying Transforming Loving Tragedy Agony Teary Falling Parting Dying... Dying... Parting Falling Teary Agony Tragedy Loving Transforming Gratifying Breathing… Rising… Hoping… Blow…

Di na kayang suyuin ng mainit na kape ang nanlalamig na pagkatao. Itong kakaibang ginaw na dulot ng panahon ay tila yelong bumabalot sa pananaw ng isang pilosopong nangangarap. Nakakahumaling at nakakalungkot… nahuhumaling sa lungkot. Walang katapusang pagtakbo, pagtago – paglayo, ngunit hanggang kelan kaya ito dapat gawin upang maatim ang katahimikang matagal ng ninanais? Sa pagsilip ng buwan, kusang bumabalik mga emosyong ikinukubli at isinasantabi. Mga patak ng sarkastikong liwanag na umaaninag sa isang aninong naliligaw. Nawawala? pero paano nga ba mawawala ang isang bagay na di pa nahahanap? Bigo nga bang masasabi kung mas nanaisin ng isang taong sumuko na lang? pagkabigo bang maituturing kung mas pipiliin nilang bumitiw na lamang? Walang kagandahan sa paglagapak, walang kasiyahan sa pagkakahulog at walang nakakatuwa sa pagkakadapa. Mas madaling umangat sa pamamagitan ng paggamit ng mga tao, mas madaling bumagsak sa pamamagitan ng pagsunod sa sariling paniniwala. Subalit eto nga...

Before we can construct anything that endures, we must first dissolve what we once were. It’s the paradox that runs through the very marrow of creation— nothing that is worth anything survives its first death. This is not the death of the body, but the destruction of the ego’s illusions, the slow collapse of our fantasies into the ruin of reality. Only when the old skin falls away, shredded and torn by the unrelenting passage of time, can the new emerge—scarred, remade, but alive in ways it could never have been before. In the quiet aftermath of disintegration, in the hollow echo of what was, lies the fertile soil of something pure. The self, as it is known, must die, for only in that grave of identity can we plant the seeds of something real , something unburdened by the weight of who we thought we were. Creation is never an act of construction—it is an act of surrendering the false, the pretended, the illusory, until only the core remains, raw and unprotected. We fear the coll...

Love is not blind—it is cruel enough to see you fully. To speak of love in the confines of simplicity is to rob it of its depth. Love, the greatest of forces, does not shelter us from the truth. It does not cloak us in the illusions of comfort; rather, it unveils us—stripping us bare of all our pretensions. The notion that love is blind, that it shields us from ourselves, is a lie perpetuated by the needy parts of our hearts, the ones that want safety, the ones that want to stay hidden in the quiet corners of longing. Love, in its truest form, is not a refuge from the world—it is a confrontation. A confrontation with yourself, with the person you love, with all the jagged edges of both. For how can you truly know another without exposing them to the rawness of who you are? To love is to endure. It is to sit in the discomfort of vulnerability and allow someone to see you—really see you—in all your complexity. To be truly loved is to be seen in your entirety, with all your flaws, your ...

"Goin' Where The Wind Blows" Someone said life is for the taking Here I am with my hand out waiting for a ride I've been living on my great expectations What good is it when I'm stranded here And the world just passes by Where are the signs to help me get out of this place? Linggo, Habang kalong ng kadiliman ang katahimikan sa kalaliman ng gabi, naririnig na umaawit sa aking cellphone ang tinig ni Eric Martin. Ah, Mr. BIG – bakit kailangang napaka lamig ng iyong boses? Bakit kailangang magbigay ka ng alaala ng kalungkutan mula sa iyong mga awitin? Tipong lullabye na paulit ulit kinakanta sa batang walang nais gawin kundi matulog na lamang… Stranded – ito nga siguro ang salitang mag dedescribe sa gabing ito. Habang abala ang mundo sa pag ikot, sya namang pakiwari mo’y tumigil ang lahat sa paggalaw. Kapayapaang hanap, di na matanaw. Walang liwanag, walang pag-asa. Wala. Nagnanais tumakbo at lumayo sa lahat. Habang lumalalim ang gabi, sya namang hi...

What’s the worth of utterly accepting life in all its’ pains and glories through complete surrender and having a full  Dionystic attitude? Does Nietzsche's ‘ amor-fati ’ justify the absence of regret and resentment?  In the first place, how should I begin with this rambling?  The answer perhaps, is through another question about regret and a pseudo-philosophical treatment of this. Such is life – too easy to say, yet indescribable in many aspects. It’s just difficult to understand it, additionally, it’s difficult to limit life into something that just randomly happens. We are thinkers and being such, we clamor for reasons behind everything. There SHOULD be a reason behind life and there must ABSOLUTELY BE A REASON for everything that’s happening. (without thinking we're just crazy to assume that there is a magnanimous ecclesiastical destiny that governs life) Life is maybe a very simple concept but was (and is) subjected to multiple definitions. I am even wond...

The storm’s almost over. You can smell it in the sky—the way the air softens, the way the shadows begin to fold into something less cruel. There’s a kind of silence that settles when a storm decides it’s had enough. A hush that almost feels like forgiveness. And then— Dawn. That fragile thing, always slipping in like it’s not sure it’s allowed to stay. We call it “hope,” don’t we? That strange, irrational warmth that crawls into your chest even when the world is still broken. I used to mock people for holding on to it. Thought I was smarter. Sharper. A realist who had no room for illusions. But this year… This year, something inside me cracked. Hope found the opening and seeped in—not loudly, not like a revelation—but like water through old wood. Quiet, persistent, irreversible. It’s not the kind of hope that waits for miracles. It’s the kind that teaches you how to breathe again, even if your ribs still ache from everything that tried to crush you. I’ve been in bed for weeks. Not...