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The Things I’ve Blamed Mercury Retrograde For

Mercury Retrograde—if you’ve ever scrolled through Facebook or overheard a group chat, you know it’s the ultimate cosmic scapegoat. The planet that supposedly rewinds, messing up communication, technology, and even relationships. When things go wrong, it’s not your fault—it’s Mercury playing its tricks. At this point, accordingly, Mercury is in retrograde again. Which must be why I left my term paper in the dusty printer tray of an old computer shop where I had it printed. Why I mistakenly told my students that their exam is next Monday. Why I agreed to take a sideline job and design a layout at 10 PM while eating Lucky Me pancit canton and listening to a pirated System of a Down CD—submission due in three hours. It had to be Mercury. The stars. The cosmos. The planetary gods punishing me for believing I could survive on instant coffee and obligation. Because surely, it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault I forgot to save the updated Excel file and had to retype 87 names by cand...