Fragments of the Quiet Mind

  Way back in college, I found myself drawn to book sales at Centermall, that old mall in Baguio with creaky floors and stubborn echoes. I’d roam those cramped aisles searching for something steady, something that might outlast me. But grief—grief rewrites the rules. It taught me that what I thought was permanent was never really mine to hold. When loss came, it didn’t just take someone from me. It tore apart the foundations I built around them—the coffee cups we shared, the songs that used to stitch moments together, the streets that once felt like home. Everything I thought was solid softened and shifted beneath my feet. I realized memory isn’t a monument; it’s water—always flowing, impossible to grip. The silence after the calls stopped was the first crack. It wasn’t just absence; it was a rupture in my story. Grief isn’t a moment—it’s a slow dismantling of certainty. The past I trusted became a stranger, and I had to learn how to live with someone who knew me less than I thou...

The 2025 elections just ended. Not with fireworks, not with riots—just the quiet unraveling of yet another chapter in our nation’s long and complicated dance with democracy. There’s something different in the air this time. Something subtle, like the way dusk falls before you even realize the day is gone. You feel it before you name it: a shift. Not seismic, perhaps not even visible to the untrained eye. But there, like a whisper at the edge of a crowded room. People have grown wiser. And no, this isn’t naive optimism. It’s not the kind of blind faith that wears campaign colors and chants slogans. It’s the kind of wisdom that comes from repeated heartbreak—from choosing hope too many times, only to be betrayed by men in suits and smiles. From believing in change only to see it morph into the same old trapo politics dressed in newer fonts. “Pain is a brutal but effective teacher—especially in a country where memory is often the first casualty of every election cycle.” But maybe ...

 I’ve been thinking about patterns lately. Not the loud ones—the mistakes that crash into your life and demand to be noticed—but the quiet ones. The ones that repeat so subtly they start to feel like personality. Like how I default to gentleness in conflict. How I make excuses for silence. How I anticipate needs I was never told, then overextend to meet them. It doesn’t feel heroic. It feels familiar. Mechanical. Reflexive. I used to call it empathy. I’m not sure that’s the right word anymore. Somewhere along the line, I learned to offer the kind of care I wanted to receive. Not consciously—not as strategy—but as language. As instinct. The kindness wasn’t performative. It was sincere. But it was also laced with a hope I never admitted out loud. That someone might notice. That I might be met there. But the truth is, I gave so much of that kindness in rooms where it went unnoticed. Not unappreciated—just... unreturned. And that does something to a person. Not all at once. Not in...

I’ve been thinking about how good I am at understanding people. Call me an airhead and proud, but really, I am good at it. Maybe too good. It’s like my brain is wired to read between the lines, catch the half-hidden sighs, the subtle shifts in tone. I can sense when someone’s tired before they say it, when a smile is just a mask, when words are doing damage beneath the surface. And I do it so naturally that I barely notice I’m doing it. I make excuses for people before anyone else even feels the sting.  They didn’t mean it.  They’re hurting.  It’s not personal.   I rehearse their backstories and soften their edges, as if by understanding them better, I can protect myself from being hurt. But here’s the thing I’m only now starting to admit to myself: while I’m fluent in everyone else’s pain, I’m utterly mute about my own. When I withdraw, I hear the word “cold.” When I set a boundary, it’s “too much.” When I flinch at a careless comment, I’m “overreacting.” No one ...

Once, the weight of words fell directly into another's hands.  Over a table.  Beneath a your cheap slow ceiling fan bought at shopee.  In the shadowed pause between heartbeats where one dared to be seen . But now? Now we bleed into screens. We scatter our grievances across fiber optic veins, each confession wrapped in curated mystery — a status here, a story there — hoping the algorithms might understand the things we are too afraid to say aloud. It is not dialogue. It is performance. Therapy for an audience we cannot touch. We call it connection. We call it healing. But sometimes it feels like shouting into a void that only reflects your own voice back at you. We craft vague laments and exquisite accusations in 280 characters or less, praying for the balm of a like, the lifeline of a comment. We trade the raw, trembling labor of conversation for the quick narcotic of validation, forgetting that what we seek cannot be delivered by a tap on a screen. The person we...

I found myself talking to the walls during the lockdown. Not in the way people think—no dramatic outbursts or madness—but in that quiet, desperate way you mutter to empty spaces when the idea of being seen has faded. There’s a loneliness that’s not cinematic. No rain, no music. Just the stale company of your own silence, broken only by the endless ping of emails and notifications. But those messages weren’t from people. They were from apps, brands, employers. “You’re essential,” they said, while handing me crumbs and expecting gratitude. The virus separated us physically, sure. But the system? The system kept us isolated long after the virus faded, turning our loneliness into a subscription model. I noticed how every notification wasn’t about connection, but consumption. How grief became a product you could journal through, exhaustion a badge of honor, and self-care a market segment. Capitalism didn’t care if I was broken; it only cared that I kept buying the illusion of healing. I ...

  I remember sitting alone in a crowded room, the air thick with unspoken words. Around me, laughter bubbled and voices rose, but my own thoughts were a fragile thread, barely holding. Somewhere in that noise, a name was mentioned — hers — and suddenly the room seemed smaller, the light dimmer, as if a shadow had slipped through the cracks. It wasn’t just a story being told. It was a fracture, a fissure in the smooth surface of what we had all pretended was safe. The #MeToo movement began as a simple phrase — a way for survivors of sexual harassment and assault to say, Me too. It grew into a tidal wave, a collective outpouring of truth that exposed the hidden scale of abuse embedded in systems of power. It’s a movement that refused to let silence be the default, turning private pain into public reckoning. But beyond the headlines and hashtags, it is a profound shift in how we understand consent, autonomy, and the very nature of freedom. This movement is that fissure made visible...

I once felt proud for skipping sleep to finish a report. Thought it meant I was dedicated. Thought the bags under my eyes were merit badges, that my value could be measured in unread emails and caffeinated resolve. Someone even called me “inspiring” for it. It felt good. Until it didn’t. No one ever warns you that burnout doesn’t arrive like a storm—it creeps in like a whisper. You start forgetting birthdays. You eat meals with one hand, scrolling with the other. You hear a laugh and don’t remember the last time you made that sound. You mistake productivity for meaning. You mistake being needed for being loved. I used to think the grind was noble. Now I think it’s just well-marketed self-neglect. There's a quiet violence in how we've romanticized exhaustion. We give standing ovations to people who sacrifice everything except their deadlines. We confuse busyness with importance, and rest with weakness. We admire the person who never stops—but we never ask what they’re runnin...

There’s a specific kind of shame I feel when I’m not doing anything. Not just laziness. Not procrastination. Something quieter. Something more existential. Like I’m betraying the invisible boss I carry in my chest. The other day, I laid on my back for an hour. Just... laid there. No productivity podcast humming in the background. No stretching to justify it as “restorative.” I watched the ceiling peel in silence and felt like I was doing something wrong. Like the world was moving without me and I was failing to keep up. The guilt didn’t come from outside—it was internal, insidious. A ghost of every achievement post I’ve ever scrolled through. Because the grind doesn’t clock out. Even when you do. We talk about rest like it’s a reward. A treat after obedience. But I’m starting to think real rest—the unearned kind—is dangerous. At least in a world like this. A world that romanticizes burnout with cute mugs that say “Rise & Grind” and calendars that look more like confessionals...

Last night, I was having the usual neurotic fixation with the moon. I was talking to her, admiring her light and beauty… but to my dismay, the clouds covered her up and it felt like the moon decided to close her doors on me. In a couple of minutes more, the rain started to fall. I guess it’s her tears… I guess it’s her way of pouring out her sadness… It must be pretty lonely up there, shining her light to people so they may find their way out of the dark night, sending romantic moonbeams to lovers in love and soothing crushed souls with her consoling silvery luminescence. It’s like the moon have these invisible arms that hug people in despair (hug me!)… but the ironic thing is that, is there someone out there who embraces her back? Is there something that consoles her as well? Does she receive appreciation with those romantic beams that she so willingly give? And this is what I’m doing. Trying to give something back to her… I maybe an insignificant speck of dust in this vast universe...

I found myself on the couch again, a cup of lukewarm coffee forgotten beside me, the familiar cartoon flickering on the screen like an old friend with secrets. The colors felt sharper now, the jokes less innocent and more like whispered truths I hadn’t noticed before. Episodes I once watched for simple laughs now unravelled themselves, each character’s struggle echoing parts of my own hidden scars—fear, hope, and the quiet ache of growing up. I realized that rewatching cartoons after therapy wasn’t about nostalgia. It was about decoding the language of my past self, translating childhood magic into adult meaning. What was once just silly hijinks became mirrors reflecting wounds I was only just beginning to heal. The heroes weren’t perfect; they were flawed, trying, failing, learning—the same way I had to. There’s a strange comfort in this. Like meeting a younger version of yourself, not to rescue, but to understand why you carried certain stories so tightly. The laughter feels bitter...

I remember the night clearly—the kind where the city hums low, and every door is shut tight except mine. I was alone in the apartment, sitting on the edge of the bed, and the silence pressed in like a weight I hadn’t noticed before. I began to speak—not to anyone, but to the empty room itself. Words I’d never dared say aloud poured out, honest and unfiltered, like a confession whispered to shadows. There’s something strange about talking to empty rooms. They do not judge or interrupt; they absorb. The quiet becomes a canvas for the parts of ourselves that people seldom see—the raw, unfinished edges we hide behind smiles and scripts. In that silence, I found the courage to be more truthful than I ever was in company. Honesty is rarely a gift we give others. More often, it is a debt we repay to ourselves—spoken quietly, without expectation. These confessions don’t seek applause or agreement; they simply demand acknowledgment, a witness in the absence of another. When I spoke to that e...

I saw her on the escalator. She was coming down as I was going up. That small, cinematic distance—just enough time to recognize, remember, and rehearse a lifetime in the space between two floors. Her hair was shorter now, the shade lighter, like the kind of choice you make after surviving something no one clapped for. She looked firmer in the shoulders, like she'd learned how to carry herself after being dropped too many times. More put-together. Less hesitant. But her eyes still had that old flicker—like she could still vanish into her own head mid-conversation. She was with someone. Maybe a partner. Maybe someone passing through. He had the look of someone she trusted with silence. The kind of man who didn’t ask her to shrink her dreams to fit a dinner conversation. I watched him lean in, say something only meant for her. She laughed, and it was soft, real, clean—like she no longer had to apologize for her joy. Then she saw me. Just a second too soon. Her expression shifte...

Amidst the depths... When life has scraped the marrow of your being,   and hardships outnumber the stars in the night sky. Yet, in that abyss, there lies a flicker, a spark of resilience refusing to be extinguished. For it is in the darkest moments,   where the strength to endure is forged with every breath,   and the embers of hope persist against the odds. Amidst the depths,  a transformation takes hold,   where wounds become scars,  and vulnerability turns into fortitude. With each trial endured,  a fragment of wisdom is gained,   a lesson etched deep within the dark crevices of the soul. And as the weight of the world threatens to suffocate,   the spirit within rises,  defying the gravity of despair. For even amidst the depths,   there exists an unwavering belief,   t hat the human spirit is indomitable,   and from the depths,  it shall ascend,   t o pierce the night with a beacon of resilience.

There are people who reappear in your life like forgotten melodies—uninvited, unexpected, but strangely familiar, as if time had simply paused between verses. I received a message from someone I once quietly loved. Not in the way songs describe love, but in the way certain names make you look up without knowing why. We were young. We had no language for what we felt, only small gestures—saving coins to share cheap candy, sitting on a bench that didn’t belong to us but somehow did. When she left, I was too young to understand what leaving truly meant. But it was my first rehearsal with absence, and like all firsts, it carved itself into me without consent. It wasn’t the kind of heartbreak that made you weep into pillows—it was quieter than that. Like a door left open on a windy day. Years passed. I thought the memory had dulled until her message reopened it like a wound that never healed properly, just scabbed with time. She said she was back in town. Wanted to have coffee. Wanted t...

It is said that the human brain is hard wired to remember the negativity and pains more than the positive memories. Like, we remember the mistakes we have committed in our exams more than the correct answers we've had. Simply putting it, the brain can't cut the crap because it remembers the crap more than the happy moments. I’ve been reading an article about neuroscience (and positivism) and a recent discovery suggests that a person with high cognitive capability can actually use his higher brain regions to control emotions and shut off (or subdue) the lower regions that make people remember traumatic instances that happened in their lives. In a way, it’s like rewiring the already hardwired brain to shift perspectives and focus by using In-tention and attention to overcome the negative bias.  Just imagine how powerful that brain must be. It would be really cool to have that kind of ability and have the skill and power to manipulate the thoughts you want to remember.  ...

In the depths of your spirit, a blazing inferno roars, A tempestuous flame, yearning to explore, Yet weariness ensnares you, a suffocating shroud, From years entrenched in survival's merciless crowd. You're not lazy, devoid of drive, nor ensnared in plight, Banish such thoughts, let your spirit ignite, For within your weary soul, lies a dormant might, Waiting for its moment to unleash and take flight. Survival's domain, a violent realm it seems, Where relentless battles are fought in shattered dreams, Every day a grueling struggle to cling and cope, And exhaustion descends like an anchor's heavy slope. But know this kindred, there's a difference here, Between weariness and a spirit held clear, You've weathered storms and faced your fears, Now it's time to rest, to dry your tears. The world may whisper, "Keep moving, don't cease," But listen closely, find your inner peace, You've earned this respite, this moment of pause, To heal your wounds...

TBR 2014 is perhaps the most memorable run I’ve had for some reasons:  First, it was my first official full marathon,  secondly, it’s practically chasing your DREAMS  and lastly, it was run specifically summarizing my life at that point.  Six months before the big race, my left foot started playing a painful tune. So, I thought, "Hey, let's have a doctor jam session!" Turns out, Doc told me to rest and quit my long-distance running because my ankle was hosting a uric acid party. Apparently, running would be like adding an extra beat to the pain playlist. Plus, I was given some dietary restrictions, like watching what I eat. Did I listen? Nah! I turned a deaf ear and went on to conquer not one, but two half marathons. And guess what? The day after those "fun"-runs, I transformed into a limping maestro. Every step felt like a cruel punishment. But you know what? I'm just a stubborn virtuoso who finds solace in the symphony of agony. On November 24, 2013, lif...