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Orange Moon



It’s extraordinarily cold today, my plants suffering from frost as my thoughts are. It’s as if my entire day is frozen to that particular moment earlier – where the coldness of the entire scenario still haunts me down. 

I am frozen in time, immortalized in a moment which is not so good to remember. Icy winds are howling, nagging me for an earlier stupid act – I crave for that stupidity and this craving appears to be insatiable. It makes me feel remorseful though, yet i still do that: where I could have said something yet prefer to be silent. 

 I feel pain but its ok, to feel pain. (or to feel anything) Feeling is only a small part of the entire life process. At least I know I am alive and I am not devoid of any emotion. This wind, this coldness, the moon – all are just tiny fragments of the things I want to say and write, these topics, as redundant as they are, is what makes me as me. Perhaps I really do take life seriously, I take simple things too seriously –

Like how the moon appears tonight. It’s freakishly huge (my camera can’t give justice to it unless I spend thousands on a better lens… but I won’t or maybe I can’t.) its hazy huge appearance serves as a milieu for my perverted eudaimonic search. Coffee and nicotine serves as my companion in enjoying this setting with the moon, a pointless plight indeed. It’s like my life is so banged up right now and all hope and positivity are venturing over the edge of a cliff, wanting yet hesitating to jump.

And hell yeah, I am again trying to justify and rationalize this crazy emo-mood, but in fact, there’s no place for coherent suppositions regarding emotional matters profoundly settled and rooted within me. In as much as I reason out, I won’t believe it anyhow. What more with people believing in me. It’s more like a temporary drug I am taking to make the ‘now’ tolerable. In the end, everything is senseless.

But tonight, with this hellishly orange moon, I want to dream. Dream of cosmic contingencies, whimsical unification of star dusted spirits, poetic merging of understanding for the thoughts not uttered, a pardon for an earlier painful yet true message, and a hopeful whisper to the great cosmic being to make the next day peaceful for everyone.

Moon heed my call,

Elucidate the darkness of this world,

Moon, please stay,

For in my lost fantasy, the dawn never comes.
- E.D.
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