Fragments of the Quiet Mind

It’s raining and I’m sitting in a bus going somewhere—somewhere vague enough to feel like progress but familiar enough to make me question if I’m just looping through life on autopilot. The windows are fogged, people are half-asleep or pretending to be, and outside, the rain politely ruins everyone’s plans. I glance at the umbrella tucked beside my seat. It's smug today. Useful. Fulfilled. Finally, it gets to do its one job. No more sulking in dark corners of my bag like some emotionally neglected sidekick. Today, it’s a hero. Rain? Bring it. Wind? Let’s tango. But then I wonder: What about the days it never gets opened? Three sunny days in a row, I still carried it like a nervous habit—just in case the sky changed its mind. And on those days, did it feel... betrayed? Like it wore its best water-resistant outfit for nothing? Like it practiced its unfolding motion all night and then got ghosted by the clouds? Do umbrellas spiral into existential crises when the weather app lies?...

Way back in college, I had this quiet hobby of slipping into book sales. Not the big ones—just the messy, dusty tables tucked inside Centermall, one of Baguio’s oldest malls. The kind of place where the lights flicker and the scent of rust and forgotten pages lingers longer than the shoppers. It wasn’t about finding something specific. It was the hunt. The maybe. One afternoon, I came across a book with no title on the spine. The cover was soft, torn in the corners, like it had been through several hands that never loved it properly. Inside, on the first page, someone had scribbled in pencil: “Don’t finish this unless you’re ready to lose something.” I didn’t buy it. I kept turning the thought over in my head though, for years. I don’t even remember the plot. Just the feeling it gave me: like someone had whispered a secret then vanished before I could respond. We never really crave the thing, do we? We crave the tension before the having. The idea of it. The fiction we write a...

I saw her on the escalator. She was coming down as I was going up. That small, cinematic distance—just enough time to recognize, remember, and rehearse a lifetime in the space between two floors. Her hair was shorter now, the shade lighter, like the kind of choice you make after surviving something no one clapped for. She looked firmer in the shoulders, like she'd learned how to carry herself after being dropped too many times. More put-together. Less hesitant. But her eyes still had that old flicker—like she could still vanish into her own head mid-conversation. She was with someone. Maybe a partner. Maybe someone passing through. He had the look of someone she trusted with silence. The kind of man who didn’t ask her to shrink her dreams to fit a dinner conversation. I watched him lean in, say something only meant for her. She laughed, and it was soft, real, clean—like she no longer had to apologize for her joy. Then she saw me. Just a second too soon. Her expression shifte...

The last flight home was nearly full, and the window seat was a silent battleground. Not because anyone shouted or shoved, but because it represented something unspoken—something deeper than comfort or view. It was about space, about choice, about who deserved the sunlight that filtered through the scratched glass. I watched the subtle negotiations unfold, the hesitations, the quiet claims. The window seat wasn’t just a seat; it was a symbol, a small slice of privilege carved out in the cramped metal tube hurtling through the sky. It reminded me how in life, personal space isn’t just physical. It’s emotional territory, carved out carefully or wrestled for in silence. Some get it by default—an unspoken right. Others wait, watch, and sometimes surrender their claim, so the “chosen” can have their moment in the light. There’s a bitter irony here. We crave freedom, yet the very act of wanting a place to call our own binds us in unspoken hierarchies. The politics of proximity—who gets cl...

 I found an old notebook tucked away in a drawer, its pages filled with half-written letters and unfinished plans. Names I almost called, places I almost went, dreams I almost chased. The weight of those almosts hit me like a cold wave—ghosts of what could have been, pressing heavy on my chest. Almost is the ache of standing at a door, hand raised, and pulling away at the last moment. It’s the sound of footsteps fading before they ever reached you, the glance that didn’t meet your eyes long enough to matter. These almosts aren’t just missed chances—they’re fragments of a life that teased itself into existence but never quite formed. There’s a peculiar grief in mourning what was never fully real. The almosts live in liminal spaces—between hope and regret, desire and denial. They haunt the edges of memory like shadows that refuse to vanish, reminding us how close we’ve come to something meaningful, yet how far we remain. What do we do with these echoes? How do we carry the ache wi...

The other night, I sat alone in the kitchen, reheating leftover rice and eggs, the kind of meal that tastes like nothing but fills you anyway. The silence wasn’t heavy — just there, like an old friend who doesn’t need to speak. I didn’t do anything extraordinary that day. No breakthrough, no milestone, not even a witty reply to a text. Just dishes, emails, socks that don’t match, and a sky that forgot to impress. But there, in that unremarkable moment, something settled in me. A quiet knowing. That I might never write a masterpiece. Might never be remembered by strangers or quoted in someone’s wedding vows. And maybe — maybe that’s okay. We spend so much time trying to matter loudly. As if worth needs a witness. As if love only counts when it’s performed. But some days are just meant to be lived, not captured. Some joys come in lukewarm cups of coffee and inboxes with no emergencies. And maybe that’s the rebellion — choosing softness over spectacle. There’s a kind of courage in waki...

Words we never speak don’t vanish. They settle like dust in the corners of our minds, silent witnesses to what we dared not confront. The weight of what’s left unsaid is heavier than any shouted confession, because silence folds itself into the architecture of our being. Every pause, every withheld truth, becomes a shadow trailing our steps. We carry them like scars, invisible but raw—reminders of moments when fear or pride won. They echo louder in empty rooms, haunt the spaces where connection should have bloomed. It’s strange how silence isn’t peace. It’s a prison built from broken promises to ourselves. We tell ourselves it’s mercy, kindness, or strength—but mostly, it’s fear wrapped in politeness. The words could’ve freed us, but instead, they chain us to regret. And regret isn’t just memory. It’s a slow poison that colors the way we move, the way we love, the way we see ourselves. It’s the weight of words that became ghosts—always there, always watching, never quiet. Eventuall...