Sucker

There are moments when life throws us into chaos. Despite our efforts to maintain a positive outlook, some instances push us to our limits. Suddenly, it feels like we're staring at our own reflection, where darkness engulfs the itsy-bitsy light that we are so desperately trying to ignite.

It's disheartening... 

In this state of condemnation and self-judgment, 

as we struggle to make sense of it all, 

we find ourselves consumed by angst and painful realizations. 

No matter how hard we try to mend things, there are unforeseen circumstances where destruction triumphs over creation.

Perhaps it's due to our limitations, 

our inherent inadequacies that we persist in trying to fix what's broken. But more often than not, our attempts only result in shattering it further, leaving us with countless irreparable fragments. 

Maybe they're right; 

I seem to destroy everything I touch.

I can't help but question what is wrong with me. I feel like a forsaken soul, forever marked by my own flaws. Despite claiming to be someone who "fixes" things, I appear to have destroyed more than I've repaired—both in quantity and quality. 

Or maybe I'm like Castiel from the TV series: Supernatural: 

my heart leading the way, unseen by those around me. It's not that they have to see it, but their closed minds prevent them from understanding my inner thoughts. I've tried sharing my ideas back in college, only to be labeled as a "psycho" and met with miserable failure.

The bigger issue, I guess, is my lonely journey to find someone who will truly listen and comprehend me.  An even greater concern is that when people finally do engage, they either point fingers and assign blame or disguise themselves in pretense and hypocritical righteousness.

This leads me to another point of confusion – the nature of humanity. 

There is a certain barbarism ingrained within people, 

Some derive pleasure from witnessing others' downfall. 

Some revel in bloodshed, violence, and, worst of all, 

some are delighted in reducing someone's self-esteem to that of trash. 

So, I often find myself questioning: why is the world like this? Or, better yet, why do I still hold onto hope and optimism for humanity?

I'm beginning to lose my love, hope, and trust in people, and my thoughts present compelling evidence as to why I should rightfully do so. 

I'm slowly transforming into the very thing they want me to become. 

However, another voice persists, telling me that I deserve better than this. 

But how can I claim such a thing when, in reality, I am the destroyer of all?

It's agonizing to think this way when nobody understands and nobody seems to care. 

Everything swirls in a vortex within my mind, 

trapping me in its relentless whirlpool. 

I can't find a way out.

Somebody, anyone, save me from myself.

*sigh*

Suck it in dude…

suck it in….