Exhaustion Is the New Black

I once felt proud for skipping sleep to finish a report. Thought it meant I was dedicated. Thought the bags under my eyes were merit badges, that my value could be measured in unread emails and caffeinated resolve. Someone even called me “inspiring” for it.

It felt good. Until it didn’t.

No one ever warns you that burnout doesn’t arrive like a storm—it creeps in like a whisper. You start forgetting birthdays. You eat meals with one hand, scrolling with the other. You hear a laugh and don’t remember the last time you made that sound. You mistake productivity for meaning. You mistake being needed for being loved.

I used to think the grind was noble. Now I think it’s just well-marketed self-neglect.

There's a quiet violence in how we've romanticized exhaustion. We give standing ovations to people who sacrifice everything except their deadlines. We confuse busyness with importance, and rest with weakness. We admire the person who never stops—but we never ask what they’re running from.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped asking myself what I actually wanted, and started asking what would make me feel productive. Because productivity doesn’t require joy. Just motion.

And I’ve been moving. God, I’ve been moving.

We live in a world that hands out applause for self-erasure. A world that rewards you for showing up more than for showing care. A world where slowing down feels like disappearing, and disappearing feels like failure.

But maybe it’s not me that’s broken. Maybe it’s the scoreboard.

Maybe rest isn’t laziness. Maybe it’s defiance.

Because the real myth of the grind is that it ends.

You don’t “arrive” at peace by running faster. You don’t “earn” your worth by bleeding for it. You can’t heal in the same environment that told you exhaustion was a virtue.

I want to unlearn the pride of being constantly available. I want to stop apologizing for choosing silence over speed. I want to stop asking myself what I’ve accomplished today, and start asking: what did I feel? What did I notice? Who did I become, not just what did I finish?

The world will keep spinning without me. That used to terrify me. Now, strangely, it comforts me.

Let it spin. I’m finally learning how to be still.

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